My bestfriend

Dedication: Most of you who follow my writing know that I normally write about rap and hip hop, but today I am writing for my best friend Kayla for her 25th birthday.  This is the story about what she’s done for me and why she is such an amazing person.

Have you ever felt hopeless, lost, trapped in a relationship? I Did. I was in a toxic relationship for four years with a crack addicted. We met when I was 16 and he was 25. I spent my teenage years up to that point drinking, partying, doing and selling drugs. I left home at 16 to be in this life. When I fell for him we moved to a city about 45 minutes away from my home town. I knew no one except his family. I took this move as a fresh start to grow up and become an adult in a positive way and we agreed no more drugs. Shortly after this I realised he was an addict. He continued to do drugs behind my back and spend our money. I’m embarrassed to say this but I think it helps explain my story a bit more. I was jealous of him when he came home high. He got to be care free and oblivious to life like a teenager normal is and me (the teenager) was at home being an adult dealing with real life, working, cooking cleaning and paying bills. I did grow up because of this but in a negative way not in a positive way. Too quickly, the rest of my childhood was taken from me. The drugs turned him in to a horrible person. He was a very suspicious and paranoid of everything I did and said. My whole life revolved around him weather I wanted it to or not. I couldn’t have certain people on my facebook. If I got a message from an old high school male friend and I had never even written back I was in trouble. If I didn’t answer text messages or phone calls right away I was called a cheater and nasty names. I couldn’t say what I wanted to, I couldn’t dress how I wanted to. If I tried to become friends with someone he would use his drug problem to guilt me in to not spending time with them. If a man looked at me while we were in the mall he would squeeze my hand as hard as he could. Any time man or woman physically touched me in any way (hug hand on shoulder anything) I was in trouble, even if it was his own family members. Now don’t get me wrong, I never once sat down and took it. If he got mad at me for having a man look at me or something ridiculous I would freak! And we would end up in a fist fight. He is the only person I have ever lifted my hands to ever in my life. I never won of course but I always went down swinging! It’s hard to determine when someone is “Ride or Die worthy” I felt like it was my job to fix him. It was my job to be there and put him first. I felt like “ok this is my life. I just have to deal with it.” But it wasn’t my job. In your relationship it is worth fighting for if you give as much as you get. I tried to leave a few times. He had me so cut off from the outside world I felt trapped. I had nowhere to go, no one to help me. Not even one person I felt comfortable asking for help or felt like they would help me as much as I needed 100%. He would also threaten suicide if I left. Eventually when I was 20 we moved back to my home town. I got a job and one day they were looking for a new employee and I had seen a girl I went to school with (Kayla) on facebook was looking for a job. She got the job and we began to spent time together. I don’t know why but she was the only friend I had ever fought to have when it came to him not approving. Didn’t matter what he said or did about her, in my mind she was not going nowhere! One time she was over after work and he was coming home from work. He was texting me telling me he wanted her gone by the time he got home. I argued with him because I wasn’t going to ask her to leave and not explain why. Inside I had so much anxiety and I was scared what would happen when she left. He came home and hung out in the bedroom. I can’t even really remember what happened to set me off but he said something while she was still there and I flipped. We screamed at each other , she eventually left  when she felt comfortable enough to leave( that she felt like I wasn’t going to be hurt) and later told me she could hear us screaming when she went to her car. We were on the 4th floor of an apartment building in the back and she had parked way up the street. That was one of the worst fights we ever had. He hit me so bad I ended up having to drop to the ground and just kick and kick until he stopped. Of course we ended up having to move as fights like that in an apartment are pretty well herd.

We ended up moving around the exact same time Kayla was moving back in to her parents to help save money to go back to school. TWO WEEKS LATER after we had all moved, me and him had our last fight. My work schedule was very weird because we had a start time but we ended when the work was done never at the same time every day. We got in a fight because he did not believe one day I was actually at work. It finally hit me it wasn’t “ride or die” it was “if you keep riding you’re going to die.” He ended up choking me and pulling my hair so hard I had a lump on the top of my head for two weeks. I called Kayla, packed my stuff and left. For some reason she was the only person in the whole world that I 100% trusted that she would do everything I needed her to do to take care of me. It wasn’t her job I knew that. But she treated it like it was her job. Her and her parents took me in. She didn’t just share her home with me, she shared her room, her bed and all her free time with me. She rarely left me alone. I thank god every day she didn’t because she never gave me a free second to even think about going back to him.  A month after I moved in to her parents’ home, we moved out together into our own place. She sacrificed what she wanted in the future and the whole purpose of moving back in with her parents for me because she knew I needed her and I couldn’t do it without her. That’s not just friendship that is love. I have never felt this loved by anyone in my entire life.  I have never felt like someone would do anything for me until I met her. I have never trusted anyone but her 100%. I have had a lot of people in my life come and go and the “going” has usually ended badly so I do not let people in easily. Her and her daughter are the only two people I trust will be in my life until the day that I die.  I still to this day even though I live so far from her feel like it is me, her and her daughter against the world! We are a team and we always will be and I hope one day we can add to the team and we can both find men that love us as much as we love each other! I love you LA! You are not just my best friend you are my sister. I feel like what we have is how family is supposed to feel so you are my family, My OTF (she knows what it means ;P) I am always here for you!  happy 25th birthday to my La!! Thanks to everyone who reads this, it is a very personal story and I appreciate the support.  She is an amazing person and I wanted everyone to know how lucky I am!

Thanks for reading!

~RabBit